Terms of Use
By reading this sentence, you acknowledge that 'comfort' is a relative term.
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Effective: The moment you thought about sandpaper toilet paper. Expires: Never. Like the memories.
1. Acceptance of Terms
By visiting this website, purchasing our products, or simply being aware that sandpaper toilet paper exists as a concept, you agree to be bound by these terms. Closing this tab does not constitute disagreement. Telling your friends about this website in disbelief constitutes marketing on our behalf, and we thank you.
2. Limitation of Liability
True Grit Personal Care is not liable for anything. Not for the abrasion (that's the product working), not for the bleeding (minor and expected), not for the crying (normal), not for the emotional journey (character building), and especially not for the AcidJet Bidet 3000 (you signed a 47-page waiver, and we meant every page of it).
3. Product Disclaimers
Our products are exactly what they say they are: sandpaper, formatted for personal use. If you expected them to feel like conventional toilet paper, we admire your optimism. The terms "gentle," "sensitive," and "comfortable" are used exclusively in a relative, comparative sense. Relative to what? The 24-grit. Everything is gentle relative to the 24-grit.
4. Assumption of Risk
By purchasing any True Grit product, you assume all risk associated with applying industrial abrasives to your person. This includes but is not limited to: surface irritation, extended recovery periods, awkward conversations with your healthcare provider, and the inability to sit comfortably in meetings for a period that varies by grit selection.
5. Return Policy
We understand. We really do. But we cannot accept returns on opened products for reasons that should be self-evident. Unopened products may be returned within 30 days for a full refund, though the fact that you opened the box, looked at it, and sealed it back up tells us everything we need to know about your experience.
6. Dispute Resolution
Any disputes shall be resolved by binding arbitration conducted in our manufacturing facility. The arbitrator will be selected from our warehouse staff, all of whom have used the product and have strong, informed opinions. Their decision is final. Protective equipment will be provided for all parties during the proceedings.
7. Governing Law
These terms are governed by the laws of common sense, which we acknowledge we are testing the boundaries of. In the event of a legal challenge, we defer to the jurisdiction of wherever our founder Dale currently is, which is usually the workshop, looking concerned.